Chris: Hey Mom, do you have any more books you’re writing after you’re done with the third Vance short story?
Me: Actually, I have like 9 books in the project queue right now.
Chris: Well, when you’re done with those, could you help me with something?
Me: Um, sure. What’s up?
Chris: If I give you a synopsis, could you write my book for me - you know, work your magic?
Blake: Our life is like Minecraft, only a lot harder.
Blake: I yearn to urinate
Chris: I like WTF
Me: Excuse me?
Chris: Isn’t that the horse store we just passed?
Me: That was PFI
Chris: Oh. What’s WTF?
Dylan: Do you believe in supernatural phenomena?
Chris: I believe in Canadians
Dylan: No, man, Canadians aren’t real.
Adam: They’re an urban legend.
Blake: Ow. Don't kick my foot.
Chris: I didn't.
Blake: Then why does my foot hurt?
Chris: Pain is in your mind.
Blake: And in my foot.
Dylan (in mock anger): You shut your face
Blake (coolly): You shut your toes.
Dylan: Touché my friend.
Chris: Blake, you know the Flash isn’t real, right?
Blake: Tom Hanks isn’t real
Blake: Forrest Gump is real. It’s Tom Hanks who isn’t real.
Dylan: My whole life has been a lie.
Blake: Mom has pizza sauce, pepperoni, and mozzarella in the cart. Do you know what that means?
Dylan: It’s taco night?
Me: Actually, it is.
Blake: Does anybody want to watch Lewis and Clark?
Dylan: Don’t you mean Lois and Clark?
Chris: If it was Lewis and Clark, it would be awkward.
Dylan: Weren’t Lewis and Clark the explorers? Maybe it’s a movie about friendship.
Blake: Well, we could watch Lion King 2, Sinbad’s Pride.
Dylan: Don’t you mean Simba’s Pride?
Blake: I’m not allowed to beat you up in front of mom.
Me: In front of mom, huh?
Why yes, those are his brother's boxers on Blake's head. Doesn't everybody wear boxers on their head when they fold laundry?
Blake: Hey guys, how does that Las Vegas song go?
Us: Viva Las Vegas?
Blake: Oh, I thought it was Howdy Las Vegas.
Trivia question: What band took on Will Champion as its drummer even though he didn’t play drums at the time?
James (nephew, with confidence): Beethoven
Trivia question: What Latin American country shares its name with a nut?
Adam and Dylan: Brazil
Me: There were four pizzas and only four of us eating. Why are there no leftovers?
Blake: I don’t know; I only had 9 pieces and I stopped.
Things I shouldn’t have to say: Don’t fart on the puppy. (Dylan would like it noted that the before was said to Blake.)
Do not pretend to hike your leg and pee on our friends’ table. You’re a guest. (Again, said to Blake)
Chris: The universe has something against my beautiful face today.
Dylan: Watch me succeed and cringe for the future.
Chris: When I’m 18, I’m going to open a restaurant and I’m even going to let you work at it, Mom.
Blake: You’re going to let her work at it?
Chris: Yep. I’ll give you a discount. Sometimes.
Just a few of the conversations heard around my house today...
Dylan: I choke you to show you I love you (Promise, nobody actually choked anybody else)
Blake: I used to have a crush on that pretty girl you worked with. Remember when I wanted to send her a lock of my hair? Girls like that sort of thing. (The pretty girl is my editor, whom I still work with. I'm fairly certain I convinced him not to send the aforementioned lock of hair. Maybe I'm just telling myself I did.)
Me: You can't use my crutches to joust. (I guess they technically can, since they were, but they really shouldn't.)
Me: Blake, what were we talking about earlier?
Blake: Was it when you told me not to break anything? Because I just broke the mirror.
Chris: I think someone's using your crutches recklessly. It's Blake. I can tell without even looking. (There's a bit of a theme there. Apparently crutches are fun and I didn't get the memo.)
Dylan: It's that point in the night where I'm slap happy and you are not amused. (Said just before deciding it's probably time for bed.)
I love my boys. They keep life interesting. (I didn't say that one; I just thought it. Or maybe reminded myself of it is more accurate.)
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