Chris: Hey Mom, do you have any more books you’re writing after you’re done with the third Vance short story?
Me: Actually, I have like 9 books in the project queue right now.
Chris: Well, when you’re done with those, could you help me with something?
Me: Um, sure. What’s up?
Chris: If I give you a synopsis, could you write my book for me - you know, work your magic?
Blake: Our life is like Minecraft, only a lot harder.
Blake: I yearn to urinate
Chris: I like WTF
Me: Excuse me?
Chris: Isn’t that the horse store we just passed?
Me: That was PFI
Chris: Oh. What’s WTF?
Dylan: Do you believe in supernatural phenomena?
Chris: I believe in Canadians
Dylan: No, man, Canadians aren’t real.
Adam: They’re an urban legend.
Blake: Ow. Don't kick my foot.
Chris: I didn't.
Blake: Then why does my foot hurt?
Chris: Pain is in your mind.
Blake: And in my foot.
Dylan (in mock anger): You shut your face
Blake (coolly): You shut your toes.
Dylan: Touché my friend.
Chris: Blake, you know the Flash isn’t real, right?
Blake: Tom Hanks isn’t real
Blake: Forrest Gump is real. It’s Tom Hanks who isn’t real.
Dylan: My whole life has been a lie.
Blake: Mom has pizza sauce, pepperoni, and mozzarella in the cart. Do you know what that means?
Dylan: It’s taco night?
Me: Actually, it is.
Blake: Does anybody want to watch Lewis and Clark?
Dylan: Don’t you mean Lois and Clark?
Chris: If it was Lewis and Clark, it would be awkward.
Dylan: Weren’t Lewis and Clark the explorers? Maybe it’s a movie about friendship.
Blake: Well, we could watch Lion King 2, Sinbad’s Pride.
Dylan: Don’t you mean Simba’s Pride?
Blake: I’m not allowed to beat you up in front of mom.
Me: In front of mom, huh?
Why yes, those are his brother's boxers on Blake's head. Doesn't everybody wear boxers on their head when they fold laundry?
Blake: Hey guys, how does that Las Vegas song go?
Us: Viva Las Vegas?
Blake: Oh, I thought it was Howdy Las Vegas.
Trivia question: What band took on Will Champion as its drummer even though he didn’t play drums at the time?
James (nephew, with confidence): Beethoven
Trivia question: What Latin American country shares its name with a nut?
Adam and Dylan: Brazil
Me: There were four pizzas and only four of us eating. Why are there no leftovers?
Blake: I don’t know; I only had 9 pieces and I stopped.
Things I shouldn’t have to say: Don’t fart on the puppy. (Dylan would like it noted that the before was said to Blake.)
Do not pretend to hike your leg and pee on our friends’ table. You’re a guest. (Again, said to Blake)
Chris: The universe has something against my beautiful face today.
Dylan: Watch me succeed and cringe for the future.
Chris: When I’m 18, I’m going to open a restaurant and I’m even going to let you work at it, Mom.
Blake: You’re going to let her work at it?
Chris: Yep. I’ll give you a discount. Sometimes.
Just a few of the conversations heard around my house today...
Dylan: I choke you to show you I love you (Promise, nobody actually choked anybody else)
Blake: I used to have a crush on that pretty girl you worked with. Remember when I wanted to send her a lock of my hair? Girls like that sort of thing. (The pretty girl is my editor, whom I still work with. I'm fairly certain I convinced him not to send the aforementioned lock of hair. Maybe I'm just telling myself I did.)
Me: You can't use my crutches to joust. (I guess they technically can, since they were, but they really shouldn't.)
Me: Blake, what were we talking about earlier?
Blake: Was it when you told me not to break anything? Because I just broke the mirror.
Chris: I think someone's using your crutches recklessly. It's Blake. I can tell without even looking. (There's a bit of a theme there. Apparently crutches are fun and I didn't get the memo.)
Dylan: It's that point in the night where I'm slap happy and you are not amused. (Said just before deciding it's probably time for bed.)
I love my boys. They keep life interesting. (I didn't say that one; I just thought it. Or maybe reminded myself of it is more accurate.)
Rolling hills that had been vibrant green just weeks ago were now muted in tone, as if they were taking a deep breath before bursting into the song of fall.